Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students by Christine Fonseca

Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students

by

Christine Fonseca

Back cover:  Designed to provide support for the difficult job of parenting and teaching gifted children, Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope with Explosive Feelings provides the resource parents and teachers need to not only understand why gifted children are so extreme in their behavior, but also learn specific strategies to teach gifted children how to live with their intensity.

Presented in a an easy-to-read, conversational style, Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students uses real world examples through case studies and role plays that show parents and teachers how to interact with gifted children in a way that teaches them how to recognize, monitor, and adjust their behavior.  Worksheets, tips sheets, and checklists are included to help parents, teachers, and the students themselves learn to cope with the explosive feelings that often accompany giftedness.  Specific strategies for stress management, under performance in school, perfectionism, and social anxiety make this a must-read for anyone wishing to make a positive lasting impact on the lives of gifted children.

If you have an emotionally intense child, gifted or dually exceptional this is a book for you.   When James was born, he was the guest of the NICU for a few days and the nurses all told me - he goes from 0 to 60 in one second. Good luck!   Yes he is a spirited child and I've read every book out there imaginable.  For the longest time, Raising your Spirited Child was my bible - very well thumbed, revisited time and again.  When you have a perfectionist child that is all the mores - intense, sensitive, persistent, and perceptive, life is challenging. Not only for them, but you.

So you can guess how excited I was last year when Christine started talking about her new book - Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students.  Aha - something specifically related to gifted kids and their emotions.

Part 1 begins with What it really means to be Gifted.  There are three cases studies in which we are introduced to three gifted students: Andrew, Meredith and Emily.  Christine dives into the intellectual characteristics, personality traits and emotional characteristics of giftedness.  And how those characteristics jive with school, peer relationships and emotions.   Plus throw in gifted children intensity, their temperament, introverts versus extroverts and those who are twice blessed.   One particular part stood out for me since we deal with this almost every day.

"Another aspect of emotional intensity lies in a strong affective memory.  This refers to a memory of not just the events of a situation, but the feelings associated with the event as well.  Gifted children often will relive the feelings of significant moments in their lives, such as a move, or the loss of a pet, over and over again.  Strong attachments to people and things coupled with their strong memory often can make transitions very difficult."  pg 38

Both James and my husband John are gifted, so they tend to hang on to things and revisit the past  and try to figure out things.  James has a memory of an elephant though and will come to me and say for example:  "Mom, on September 5, 2003 you said (fill in the blank), what did you mean by that?"        Wait...what?  Mom's brain explodes once again as try to remember the situation. 

Which brings us to part 2 is Great Information, But Now What?    Worksheets!!! There are some wonderful worksheets in the book that will aid you.   How do you coach your child?  Do you know what your expectations are as a family, for yourself, for your child.   Does your child know what your expectations are, the consequences for his/her behavior and what the boundaries are.  Do you or your child know how you will react in certain circumstances.  We are currently working on the worksheets so will have to let you know how things work out there.

Christine provides some great advice for dealing with explosions.    How do you get your child to recognize that they are spiraling up or going to blow - both their emotional and physical feelings.   What do you do when they explode and how do you deal with it afterwords.   What are your hot button issues?  She also provides strategies for how teachers can handle explosions, coach their gifted students and deal with a whole classroom of kids as well.

Part 3 Being your Child's Coach-Specific Strategies.  I was raised by a very strict mom and military dad, so no talking back, no yelling, period. Very authoritative.  Unfortunately the authoritative style and "because I said so" doesn't work with my kid.   And for a period of time there, I turned into a yeller.  And it's hard to impress upon your child that his yelling and using the wrong tone of voice is wrong, when you are doing exactly that. The only thing it was teaching is that yelling was okay.Which brings us to the strategies for a good coach:  modeling, prompting, cueing, reflection and debriefing.

Christine says:

Parents are in a great position to act as coaches to their child, teaching everything from understanding the unique characteristics of giftedness, to coping strategies, to managing the intensity that comes with being gifted.  (pg 125)

With gifted children facilitated learning particularly is effective because it makes use of their superior logic skills as an avenue to retrain their emotional responses.  Furthermore, it helps the child learn to become more aware of why he makes the decisions he makes and deliberately choose a new response--definitely a win-win for everyone involved. (pg 131)

You can't tell your gifted child how to act, you have to teach them how to act. You can't fix them, because they aren't broken. They are unique and one of a kind.  Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students is a wonderful book full of tips, strategies, worksheets, a sample dialogues with kids on how to coach them.  I highly recommend it.  It will become your new bible on how to help your gifted child. Be prepared - this is one book you will read over and over again.  Plus you'll want to have your yellow (or color of your choice) highlighter with you because you'll find plenty of things you want to remember.   Buy it for yourself, your best friend, your child's teacher or school principal.  I highly recommend it. 

Christine is having a special giveaway: She will draw a random winner from all commenters throughout the tour AND the reviews. Contest ends Sunday at midnight, and she will announce the winner on Monday, 10/18. The winner gets book swag consisting of a t-shirt, bookmarks, magazines, notepads, sticky notes, and a signed copy of the book.

Check out the other reviews:


Lisa Rivero
Medeia Sharif
Taffy Lovell
Thomas Furman
Danyelle Leafty
Jennifer Merrill
Margaret Barney
Michelle McLean

To find out more about Christine and her book, check out the following links.

   

Website

Blog

Find her on Facebook or Twitter

Order the book.

Want an e-reader version? Order here.

Read the first chapter here.

Thank you to Christine for not only writing the book, but also providing me with a courtesy copy as well.  

Post to Ponder while I'm at Bouchercon

The day has finally arrived.  Tomorrow I'm off to San Francisco for 3 days to attend the Bouchercon World Mystery Writers convention where I'll get to meet some favorite authors and get to know some new to me authors.   So be on the look out for pictures, recap of panels and possibly some books to giveaway when I return.  In the meantime, here are a few posts to ponder.

National Novel Writing Month is quickly approaching.  I've been thinking a lot about my story, writing it in my head.  Somehow I started in the middle and been thinking my way back to the start of the story and think I've just about discovered the beginning.   Jodi Cleghorn of Write anything has a wonderful post - Thinking as writing.

Alexandra Sokoloff, whom I'm hoping to meet at Bcon has deemed October to be Nano prep month and has been posting a series of articles to prepare yourself and your story to begin writing in November.


Check out the blog of The Office of Light and Letters (Chris Baty), the organizers of nanowrimo: Are you a planner or a pantster.

Friday is my review of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students by Christine Fonseca and she is having a special giveaway. Don't miss it.

Sunday Salon: Homeschool, Harry Potter and Happenings.

Life has returned to normal (as we know it) and we finally started 5th grade lessons this week.   James has fully recovered and is back to being talkative, inquisitive and feisty.   We've been reading "Carry On Mr. Bowditch" for English and the story is giving both James and I much to think about.  In the story, Nathaniel enjoys learning and is curious about everything. When he wants to know something, such as astronomy or math, he picks up a book, studies it and writes down everything he learns in a notebook.   So lately, when James starts asking me his various questions as he does, I refer back to the book (nudge nudge wink wink) that he needs to start searching for the answers himself and not use me exclusively as his encyclopedia.   I've been pushing him to be more involved in his studies and be a bit more independent.   In that vein, I realized some of the curriculum I had chosen was too teacher intensive, which allowed him to sit back and let me do most of the reading and explaining. 

He loves looking information up on the internet. Especially when it is a subject that interests him, such as Harry Potter, Bionicles, Toy Story 3, etc.    Previously he had told me he wasn't interested in doing online or computer studies.  Guess he thought it would take the fun out of it.   So, I tried an experiment. I loaded up Math Blaster on my laptop and started the program.  He came running when he heard it and said, let me try it.  He sat down and an hour later, he was still going.   Did the same thing with Typing Instructor Deluxe.   So I took the plunge and after hours of researching different programs, decided to go with Alpha Omega's Switched on Schoolhouse History and Geography.  Luckily it picks up where we are with history right now, is computer based, challenging, multimedia based so lots of different ways to learn information and most importantly, student led.   We'll also be trying out their workbooks - Lifepac Health Quest and a couple units of science. 

Assigned reading has really been a hassle up til now.  If he isn't interested in the story or doesn't hold his attention, then he doesn't retain any of it.  Until he discovered Harry Potter.  I have all the books and all the movies and he's been wanting to watch the first movie for a while now.  But I didn't think he was quite ready for it yet.  I told him in order to see the first movie, he had to read the first book. That way he would know what is going to happen in the movie and be able to understand it better.  We ended up reading the book together, me reading it aloud and answering all his questions as we went along.  Then we watched the movie.  He loved it and wanted to watch the rest of the series.   We've since watched the next 3 before reading the books and as I expected, had to explain alot of things.  His assigned reading at the moment is reading 2 chapters a day of The Prisoner of Azkaban.   After each chapter, he narrates to me the who, what, where, when and why so I know he is getting the story.    The Harry Potter series has turned into a great teaching tool as we discuss good and evil, friendship, bullies, magic, love and he who must not be named - Voldemort. 

So, I think we've got enough variety now that will challenge James, keep him from getting bored and save my voice.   Speaking of challenges, I just finished reading "Emotional Intensity In Gifted Students by Christine Fonseca and will be posting my review on October 15th.  Be sure to check out her post below and enter to win the book.  I love the book because it is all about coaching your gifted child in how to deal with his emotions versus trying to fix things for him.  How to deal with explosions - before, during and after.  And also how to deal with our push button issues.  I tried using some of her strategies and have had some interesting results.  Well worth reading!

Guest Post: Christine Fonseca, author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students

I am so excited to welcome Christine Fonseca today to My Two Blessings.   Christine's book Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students:  Helping Kids Cope with Explosive Feelings was released on October 1st. Her Epic Blog tour runs through October 15th and will end with a multiple blogger review, including mine, on the 15th along with a special giveaway.  I am particularly happy to get a chance to review Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students since we are always looking for ways to deal with, teach and help James how to handle his intense emotions.  Loving what I've read so far, so be sure to check back on the 15th for my review. 

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Helping Gifted Kids deal with Stress and Anxiety.

First off, I’d like to thank Robin for hosting this stop on my blog tour. Be sure to check out the great contest at the end of the post for a chance to win a signed copy of EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IN GIFTED STUDENTS. Now, on to the post –

Robin asked that I write a post relating to gifted kids and anxiety. Ah yes, stress and anxiety – common plagues in our all-too-busy world. All of us are well aware of stress and anxiety. It is something we deal with daily. But with the natural emotional intensity of our gifted kids, stress and anxiety often take on a whole new meaning.

Let’s start by defining both stress and anxiety. This is a bit trickier than it sounds, as there are a wide variety of working definitions for both. My favorite one for stress comes from the Time Thought website:

"(Stress is) a physical, mental, or emotional response to events that bodily or mental tension."

I like this definition because it does NOT say a negative event that causes tension - because, really, stress can be equally caused by negative and positive life events. Anxiety is the natural reaction to a stressful event, and includes physical, mental, and emotional responses.

Okay, now that we are using the same vocabulary, let’s talk about kids.  All kids feel stress and anxiety to some degree. Maybe when there is a test, or when the teacher calls on them in class, or when they have gotten into a conflict with a friend. Common feelings may include heart palpitations, sweaty palms, labored breathing or fear.

For the gifted child, these feelings are significantly more intense. Butterflies in the stomach become man-eating birds, a tense digestive system becomes an ulcer, a racing heart feels more like a heart attack. Even the highs are bigger. All of this relates to the naturally occurring emotional intensity that is typical among gifted kids.

Not surprisingly, gifted kids tend to struggle with anxiety more then their non-gifted peers, often struggling to bounce back after setbacks. Sometimes this anxiety can be so intense, the child will get sick before a big test, or refuse to go to school altogether.

Fortunately, there are ways to help.

First - we, as parents, need to check our own expectations of our children. Behavior in children is one of their primary forms of communication. As such, we need to pay attention to their responses to stress and try to figure out what they are communicating to us. And this means being willing to examine our own expectations and whether or not they are appropriate.

Now, don't get me wrong - I am not suggesting we drop our expectations for our children when they are stressed. Gosh knows, I have very high expectations for my kids. But we do need to be willing to look at them and make SURE they are appropriate.

Ok, after that, what can we teach our children to help them better manage their stress response?

Here are some of basic strategies that can make a huge positive impact on your child:

1.  Listen - teaching your child about their stress requires a good foundation of communication with your children. Set aside time to stop the busyness in your own life and check in with them. Encourage them to tell you what the problem is. If they lack the emotional vocabulary to do this (something not uncommon with gifted kids), teach them the right words.

2.  Perspective - children often have an all-or-nothing approach to life...things are ALL BAD or ALL GOOD. Very little in between with them. This is the time to help them learn that nothing is really ALL BAD. And that slight change in perspective can help...more than you could possibly realize!

 3.  Mental rehearsal - If the stress is related to performance issues, try practicing (role-playing or mental rehearsal) the event or situation. Help your child mentally go through each step. Pay close attention to when they appear stressed and bring their awareness to it.

4.  Problem solving skills - teach your child how to problem solve. With gifted kids, open-ended solutions are impossibly hard to wrap their brains around. So help them make things more concrete for them.

Notice how I NEVER say fix things FOR your child. This does not serve them. If you do for them, the message you subtly give is that they are incapable of solving their own problems. Instead, focus on guiding your child - emotionally coaching them towards their own self-monitoring, self-reflection, and relaxation techniques. You will give them an amazing gift in doing so.

A few more things to keep in mind:

If your child does not know their specific stress response (most kids don’t), help them learn to recognize it. Things like being overly tired, breaking into a rash, changes in appetite, being irritable or sad, having difficulty concentrating, and experiencing racing thoughts are all common indicators of feeling overwhelmed.

Teach your children that although they will never be able to control everything around them, they will ALWAYS be able to learn to control their reaction to them.

Teach children to prepare themselves for the world by doing the following: Get plenty of rest (most preteens and teens require 9 to 11 hours of sleep nightly), avoid all forms of caffeine, create a bedtime routine that helps clear the mind of stress prior to going to bed, eat healthy foods that include well-balanced meals (not eating on the run), exercise often, and share your feelings (through a journal, a conversation, even crying)

Teaching these things will go a long way to helping your child learn the basic lifestyle skills necessary to deal with stress in any form. It will help YOU as well!

For more information about emotional intensity and gifted kids, check out my newly released book, EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IN GIFTED STUDENTS.

Thanks Robin, for letting me stop by your blog during my tour. This has been great!

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Thank you so much, Christine.  Now is your chance to win a copy of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students.  All you have to do is leave a comment with your name and email address.  The giveaway will be open through October 15th until 11:59 p.m. and is open internationally.   And check out the rest of the tour for more chance to win as well.

To find out more about Christine and her book, check out the following links.

 

 

Website

Blog

Find me on Facebook or Twitter

Order the book.

Want an e-reader version? Order here.

Read the first chapter here.

Sunday Salon: A Nocturnal Upon Autumn

 

I have something special for you today.   My brother is Baron of Erud Sul in the Kingdom of Atenveldt for the Society of Creative Anachronism.  The kingdom recently had it's first Arts and Science Competition.  He won in the Novice Division for Performing Arts and for Writing.   Below is the poem he wrote for the competition.

A Nocturnal Upon Autumn

By 

Baron Christopher Fitzarthur
Aka Chris Walsh

Picture courtesy Bies Photostream

On the first of Autumn, in fading light,

I gazed upon one tree in a wood,

Pondering seasons it withstood,

Before we both succumbed to night.

Inside it, is Spring;

The sap of youth marked in concentric rings.

The precious fruits borne of blossoms past cling

To boughs which remember stretching forth,

Seeking possibilities of endless worth.

In the trees deep roots and branches strong,

I see the growth of a good Summer spent.

Still in the air, a clinging scent

Of those days nurturing and long.

Beneath its wide crown

Flowers and saplings enrich the dark ground.

Shielded from harm when storms thunder down,

New growth flourishes beneath, unaware

Of the scars their shelter willingly bears.

Yet here a leaf is turning to shining gold,

Here the brilliant red of a burning fire.

This tree, it appears, cannot tire

Wearing a leafy mask so bold.

And while still I could,

I gazed upon that tree in a wood,

that years and storms have withstood.

As Autumn has finally come to stay,

Never again shall we see a Summer day.

Just call us the Bird Whisperers

Our cats like to bring us gifts - rats, dragonflies, praying mantis, pieces of paper found wherever, and birds.  Usually the rats are dead, but we've managed to save most of the rest. Some days we're too late.  This morning, I glance up and look out the patio window and see Gracie. She's playing with something and figure I better get out there and save whatever it is.  It turned out to be a hummingbird.  They are real teases, flying down and around the cats heads, chirping at them.  They've come and hovered in front of me a few times for a chat when I've been sitting out on the patio.  Friendly little buggers, but not too terribly bright.   Surprisingly, Gracie manages to catch them.  This time, I caught her before she did any harm.    Unique experience, getting to hold and sooth a hummingbird.  Beautiful shiny green feathers that sparkled in the sunlight.  I've discovered birds are trusting souls, especially when you've save them from the cats.   She sat quietly in my hand, tiny little claws clutching and holding on to me. 

 

After a few minutes, she tried to fly and fluttered clumsily across the patio table.  She tried a couple more times not making it very far.  However, we could tell nothing was broken and hoped she'd get up the energy to fly out of the yard, safely away from the cats.  A few minutes later, she tried again and made it to one of the trees, hanging on to a tiny branch upside down.   She dropped into my hand and after resting a moment, took off, up and over the fence and was gone.  Yeah!  

 It's not everyday you get to pet a hummingbird!

 

OctoberFest.....thrilling, chilling, milling spillage

Oh my!  Where did September go?  It's all a blur to me.  Fall has arrived and lots of exciting things going on to tell you about.

National Novel Writing Month starts in 30 days and I'm working on the outline for a new story.  The working title right now is "Red Thief."  I'm still trying to come up with a succinct explanation for it, but I can tell you it will be a suspense story.

 
I had considered not doing Nanowrimo this year.   However, realized that since I began participating in 2007,  the challenge helps to spur me on and complete a major portion of a first draft.  I made mistake last year of adding way too much filler just to make sure I got 50,000 words in the 30 days and ended up deleting 50% of it.  Which set me way back.  It took me a while to get back up to speed and actually finish the first draft.    Going to try and avoid that this year.    The 2010 site will be launching later this afternoon, ready for new sign-ups and the forums reset for the new year. 

For the month of October, I'll also be working on editing "Winter's Illusion" (2008 Nano). I've been reading through it and delighted with the story, but it needs work of course, including a more exciting opening chapter.   It needs to be more intense and speaking of intense, guess what? 


Today is the release of Christine Fonseca's book "Emotional Intensity in Gift Students."  and the start of her blog tour which runs from today through October 15th.  

As the mother of an emotionally intense kid, I've been waiting with baited breath for her book to come out.   Christine will be dropping by on October 6th with a guest post about helping kids deal with stress and anxiety.  Plus we'll be giving away a copy of the book.  And all participants will be reviewing the book on October 15th and Christine  will be having a special giveaway of a tote bag of swag taken to one lucky person. 

And what would October without reading spooktacular books.  It's time once again for

Dueling Monsters:  Round Two -  Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde with Heather of Age 30 + and The Picture of Dorian Gray with Jill of Fizzy Thoughts.  I have both books and since they are relatively short, decided to read both for the Dueling Monsters read along.


And last but not least.  I'm going to Bouchercon by the Bay Mystery Writers convention October 14th through the 17th.

I'm quite excited about the whole thing. Since I'm stepping out of my introvert box, decided to volunteer my time so I won't be hiding in my room or hugging a wall when not attending panels.  I'll be helping with the opening ceremonies, working in Registration area and the book signing room for a couple hours and going to be panel monitor which basically means set out the name plates, water and be time keeper.  The panel I'll be monitoring is Crossfire which includes James Rollins (squee!) Lori Armstrong (double squee!) and Diane Emley, Karen Olson, and James L. Thane.     I'm looking forward to meeting some of my favorite authors and making the acquaintance of new to me authors. 

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Henry Ellis

It's going to be a busy fall, hold on and enjoy the ride.